First Love

Dear My First Love,

If you know me at all, you know exactly who he is. You know what his name is, how long we dated, and the heartbreak behind it. I am not going to say that he was perfect, but I am not going to sit and talk about all of the things he did that hurt me because I hurt him as well. I am the first to admit that I did not treat him the way he deserved to be treated.

I feel extremely remorseful for the way that I acted. But as the time has passed and scars have started to heal, I realize that I need to thank him. I cannot pick up my phone to call him personally because, well, that would be weird. I have finally been able to unblock him from all social medias because I can look at him with other girls and not want to cry my eyes out. When I think about what I want to say to him, saying it over social media is not the best idea. 

Anyways, what I want to tell him is thank you for teaching me how to love someone so unconditionally. Thank you for showing me that there are people who can love me as much as you did. Thank you for being my rock when I needed you most. Thank you for wiping my tears when I cried over things that did not matter. Thank you for making me laugh when I did not want to smile. Thank you for giving me something to compare all of my next relationships to. Most of all, thank you for breaking my heart. 

I know, most of y'all read that last line and said, "why would you ever thank someone for that?" Let me tell you. Yes, it was one of the most painful things to go through. At the time, I thought I would never get over it. Well it has been almost three years now and I am happy. I am happy with the woman I have become. I am happy with the choices in my life. I am happy with not being known as "_____'s girl." I am my own person. I do not need another person to be happy. 

The phrase, "this too will pass," is what got me through that tough time. In the moment, it feels like the worst thing that could possibly happen to you, but as each day goes by, it starts to hurt a little less. 

Am I saying that I am over him? Definitely not. I do not think I will ever be over him. There will always be a place in my heart that is for him. Do I want to be with him? No. He is happier without me, and that is all I can ask. Did it take me a while to accept that? Of course. 

With all of my heart,

Morgan

Everything happens for a reason. 

                           

Top Left: My daddy and I (2012). Top Right: Me at my formal (2014). Bottom: My mommy and I (2012).

Mental Health Awareness Week

This is one week out of the year that I find to be one of the most important weeks for all people. Mental health illnesses affect way more people than we may even know.

Take a look at me, I go to a great college. I have incredible friends. I am blessed to have a mother who overcame breast cancer and is now pregnant with miracle baby number 2. I have good grades. I am in a sorority. I smile whenever I have the chance, but you may not know something about me. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety.

This is something that I was diagnosed with when I was 14 years old. I am not almost 20, and I cannot honestly say that I have conquered it. It is something that I am forced to deal with every day. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed because I feel like I have no reason to. I deal with hurt way more deeply than most people. It takes me longer to get over being upset or broken.

I do not tell most people about this because I don't want people to look differently at me. I have come to the realization though that people need to know that it can effect anyone. It is not something that only hurts people who "deserve" it or whatnot. It can be a part of someone who looks so happy on the outside.

I take pills for it, and they honestly help. But I would be lying if I said there were no days that depression won. There have been many days that depression has won the fight I fight every day.

If you or anyone you know is struggling, talk to someone. Don't let depression win.

Make Up

Clearly, this blog thing wasn't my best decision as I never have time to write…

As the new year approaches, I am going to try to be better about posting on here!

Many people who know me, know that I hate wearing make up. I absolutely hate it. I think it's an annoying process to put it all on. It's annoying to take it off. It's expensive…I try to say that "if you can't handle me without makeup on, you don't deserve to see me with makeup on." (In case you were wondering, I'm still single…)

For Christmas, my mom gave me the Naked 2 Palette and I have to say, I may be willing to change my ways…Now that I see how pretty I can look every day and how fun it is to watch all these different how to videos on YouTube, I think I could go to wearing makeup very often. I won't say I'll wear it every day because well…I'm not a morning person.

Once I find my favorite YouTube videos, I will definitely post them for y'all to check out! I've always wanted to be a make up artist because I love doing make up. I just don't like doing it on myself…

Involvement

Man has it been a long time since I've been on here.

College seemed so easy freshman year. Well, okay not easy...but I had so much more free time last year. Sophomore year has been nothing but things to do all the time. I guess that has to do with being able to be more involved.

I have to say, if I learned anything useful in high school, it would definitely be to get involved. Everyone always says it, but I never really took it to mean anything until I got to college and heard everyone talking about the things they did in high school. They were always trying to outnumber each other in how many clubs they were in, and they didn't have much to compete with when it came to me.

I decided to change my ways for sure in college. I have done just that! As if being in a sorority wasn't a big enough commitment. Put in schoolwork on top of that. Most people would say that's enough. For some reason, I decided that it wasn't enough for me. I went out and joined two Campus Representative internships. I applied and was accepted into the Greek Board of Directors Homecoming Committee. I tried out the water polo team with a sister until a knee injury caused me to be done with that one. I'm always looking for other things to join!

Confessions

This week I came across a blog that not only belongs to my sorority sister from another school, but also a friend from a Campus Representative program through Little Problems. She, Life Is But A Stream of Thoughts, teamed up with The Sticky Note Addict to do confessions every Wednesday.

That seems like something rather fun for me to take part of. Maybe I can even find some followers who find me intriguing ;).

I CONFESS...

...that I have been back in the action of class for 2 weeks and have already skipped 2 classes.

...that I am writing this instead of studying for my Calculus or Chemistry quiz. I guess I'll do that after I finish.

...that I have not started on my goals to lose weight during this semester. Going to the gym tomorrow!!

...that I have the girl I want to be my little and it's killing me not to show her everything I have made.

...that I am running off of a few hours of sleep because I decided going to iHop at 1am was a better idea than sleeping. It was not. 

...that I feel like I have so much to get done and it won't get done. This is the time when I turn to prayer because that is the only way I will be able to keep my sanity.